Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Merry Christmas to us...

Talk about a wonderful Christmas gift...

The hospital I work at always gives the staff a Christmas gift, but it is ALWAYS a bag. It is a different type everytime. Last year, we got a messenger bag and this year, a duffel bag. Seriously, how many bags can I have with our hospital logo on it. I end up having to get rid of these bags sometimes because how many does a person really need???

Then today, the nurses and the techs on my floor received probably one of the best gifts I think we could receive. It made me realize how much this hospital really appreciates its nurses and techs. I came into work today and found out that because of budget cuts, they are eliminating the number of techs we need...effective that same moment. So without warning, I was thrown into having my usual four patients with one being a primary. This means doing vitals, tracking I/O's, weights, bed changes, baths, etc. Lucky me, I ended up with two total patients like I had been for the last two weeks and one of them a primary. Who the heck assigns a total patient as a primary??? I didn't last until 11. I broke down then. Of course, I sucked it up after a few moments and went back out there.

It's not the changes I am mad about, but the fact that we had no warning about what was going on. What does that say about management??? My floor was recognized in 2007 for being in the top 10% nationally for the best patient satisfaction scores. We haven't even finished our first day and quite a few patients voiced their concerns over it. There goes our scores...

But now, I am seriously considering my options in nursing at this time. I am looking into getting my masters next fall and what I want to do 10 years from now. I guess if anything good came out of this, I am reevaluating what I want to do in my future...

Monday, December 15, 2008


Last night, my sister was calling my cell and since I had it across my loft while doing a workout video, I had to run over to get it. Of course, I wasn't careful and ran right into a chair and stubbed my toe.

This morning, I woke up and it's black and blue and swollen. Yeah, I definitely broke it...again.

I am a walking disaster sometimes...

Friday, November 14, 2008

Jekyll and Hyde

For the last 3 weeks, I have had this same middle aged woman as part of my team. She's really a sweet woman...or so I thought. The other day I came in and people were talking about how she went off the day before. I thought she was just upset, but apparently, when she gets upset, she gets really upset FAST. Apparently, she was throwing things, cussing out the staff, etc. But then an hour later, she was fine and back to her sweet self. That wasn't the only episode. It seems to happen whenever things didn't go her way.

I had her yesterday and all went well. I didn't see this side of her yet despite having her for 3 weeks...until this morning. I came in this morning and was doing my assessment on her when she started getting mad at me for making her wait for her breakfast. "Okay, I should be more respectful of her and having to spend 24/7 in the hospital for a month." That's what I thought and I let it slide. Then 30 minutes later, a transporter arrived to take her to get her panorex (an x-ray of your jaw) done for her transplant work-up. I went into her room to let her know that transporters were there to take her down but we could schedule it later if she'd like. She turned a complete 180! She started yelling at me, "Why should I be doing this?", "I hate it here.", etc. She started throwing things from her bedside tray like her breakfast tray onto the floor. I reminded her that we could get the test done later. But she refused to have it done later. As I reached down to unplug her IV pump from the electrical outlet, she took her IV pole and shoved it towards me with such force. Had I not been watching what she was doing and getting out of the way in time, my head would have stitches right now. Needless to say, I did NOT like having my safety compromised because of her attitude. Amazingly, I kept calm and unplugged her pump, but I had to walk out of the room without helping her to the wheelchair to keep my cool. I promise that she was strong enough to step in the wheelchair by herself otherwise, I would have probably stayed in there to make sure she got in okay. Once she came back, se acted like she was having the best morning ever. I don't think we even need a psychiatrist to say she's bipolar...

Speaking of psychiatrists, we put in a consult for her this morning and he came by tonight. He was asking me what was going on with her. I told him what happened that morning with the test and he goes, "It sounds like she's frustrated." Bullcrap. Frustrated?!?! Yeah, our patients who are normally frustrated talk about instead of getting violent and putting our own safety at risk! I lost repect for that psychiatrist after he said that.

I was giving report to a nurse tonight who was picking her up. I described what happened this morning and the first thing she asked was, "Is she a Gemini?" I was like "What???" What does being a Gemini has to do with it? The nurses explained that Geminis' represent these twin Greek Gods that had opposite personalities, thus, it is found that Geminis may have split personalities. Of course, I started laughing. i don't believe in astrology usually, but this had my patient down to a "T." Amazing...

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I love the smell of new furniture...

Today my new loft furniture was delivered...a new oversized chair with an ottoman and a leaning desk with bookshelves. Needless to say, I love my new loft now. I just need to paint it now! Here's a picture of my dad and Tory trying out the new furniture after we set it all up!

In an attempt earlier to share my excitement of the new furniture ealier this evening with my sister and brother via picture on my cellphone, my excitement quickly ended. My sister became mad that my grandparents went out of their way to help me buy this furniture and was upset. Instead of going to them, she took it out on me and from there, a big fight ensued. It's hard to be reasonable with a 20 year old when they keep hanging up on you depite being calm, etc. How do you argue fairly with that kind of behavior? It just shows me how much growing up she still needs to do. Regardless, this whole fight with her has really left me depressed. I was going to spend the rest of the night studying for a big test Monday, but how can you study when you're depressed and after a big fight like that?

I love my sister, but I cannot stand how we keep drifting apart more each year. I am so tired of all this drama. So tired.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Voters need to be educated before they vote!

Apparently, this man is going to be our president for the next four years. I think my television will be off for the next four years now that his face will be plastered all over CNN and newschannels.

What gets to me is how people keeps saying he's the first black president of the United States. Hello, do these people have even half of a brain? He's half white and half african-american. I don't believe it's politically correct to say that he's the first african american president of the United States. The politcally correct term? He will be the first multiracial president of the United States. Period.

We all know that Obama lives in a multimillion dollar home and makes more than enough money each year between him and his wife. So when he says he wants to raise taxes for people making over 250,000 a year, what is he thinking??? I know nobody likes paying taxes and does he really want to be paying more in taxes for those living off of welfare and too lazy to get up and work?

There's another thing that gets to me and trust me, I couldn't stand history through my school years, but I learned just enough to understand how the whole government works (barely though). If we want changes with the economy, health care, etc, we need to choose our senators wisely because they are the ones that passes or rejects a law.

If there is anything good coming out of this election, my sister, who has been pondering what to do after college despite a double major in comparative studies in political science and international relations has decided that she is going to go to law school and become a politician herself. She had the most compassion of anyone I know for politics prior to this election craziness and I know she will have that compassion when she goes into law school and then politics.

In the meantime, may these next four years fly by...

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Sometimes you don't get a break...

It seems like the younger crowd has been requesting me lately. I don't mind on one hand because they are definitely much more lively than some and their endurance amazes me. But I tend to get attached to them easier.

I can think of several movies, such as "Dying Young," based on a couple dating and one has cancer and ultimately ends up dying. I feel like I stepped into one of these movies with the youngest patient I've had on this floor. His girlfriend has been absolutely beyond amazing. Since he has relapsed almost a month ago, she has been at his bedside with his parents. You can tell this couple are so in love and enjoy each others' company.

After having this patient for 3 weeks, we had to send him home on hospice yesterday to fulfill his father's promise that he would go home whether in remission or not. Though it absolutely swamped me with it being on a weekend, it was worth hearing his dad was able to fulfill his promise to his son.

This week has been emotionally exhausting, having a 21 year old patient pass away n Monday and an 18 year old go home on hospice yesterday. Maybe when I return on Thursday, I'll have a break?

Monday, October 20, 2008

What do you say?

I am often reminded of something a patient's husband said when she passed away: "I have never felt so much peace and heartache at the same time."

Even though I have been in oncology nursing for over 2 years now, I still cannot say I know what to say when a family loses their loved ones. Each family is unique and grieves in its own way.

Rest in peace, Amber. You are already missed by so many...

Sunday, October 19, 2008

What a weekend!

On Friday, I drove up to Lerna, IL to visit a former roommate of mine. I had such a good time remembering senior year and the hell we're not in anymore (nursing school). She is in the process of remodeling her house with her husband and it looks wonderful so far! I think she needs to come and decorate my house when she's done with hers! ;-) Thanks for the wonderful visit Tricia and Nathan!

On Saturday, I went to Amber and Jason's wedding in Hazel Dell, IL. It was such a beautiful wedding! The bride was so beautiful! The reception was beautiful as well- it was on Jason's family property with a lake and all. There were tents set up as well as 3 separate bonfires by the lake to keep warm throughout the night. It was definitely not like any other reception I've been to! Definitely a good night!

I came home today and I pulled into my neighborhood. As I am driving in, I saw one of my neighbors also decorated for Halloween by putting a scarecrow and a wreath made of autumn leaves out. As I pull closer, I realized it's my house! The scarecrow and the autumn leave wreath was joining my little bale of hay and pumpkin that were already on my porch! I knew my parents did it for me. As I pull around the back of my complex to get to my garage, I realize there's this bright green bucket sitting in someone's lawn. As I get closer and closer, I realize it's in MY yard. Then I saw plants galore. My parents were getting my garden set up for me! :-) That's not all either. I proceed to open my garage door to pull my car in and let's just say my car never made it in. My mouth dropped open. My bike that I have not ridden in 10 years is hanging on the ceiling and I have two large shelves (very much needed!) hanging in my garage! I was absolutely floored. After a minute of standing there speechless, my parents pulled up to my driveway and surprised me. Needless to say, this was a wonderful surprise! My house looks so beautiful on the outside now! I just need to work on the inside now...

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Last 4 day stretch at work...

For now...

For the last 2.5 weeks, I have been working 4 days, off one day, working another 4 days, off one, and working another 4 days. It's pure exhaustion!

I was able to take time after working on Friday to attend the Bachlorette party for Amber and Ashley, some of my coworkers on 6900. It was so much fun hanging out with my friends from work and definitely fun to be doing something not work-related!

Friday, October 3, 2008


Here's the pictures from North Carolina!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

1 week and 36 hours of driving later...

I made it home from a wonderful vacation spent visiting my aunt, Jodie, and her family in North Carolina and my brother at Wake Forest.

The road trip itself was a beautiful drive through the Blue Ridge Parkway, mountains, and valleys. You just can't beat the beautiful scenery of the east coast. I quickly recognized West Virginia as the "White Trash State" due to its only major city, Charleston, being taken up with half factories and plants and the other half just plain dirty. On top of it, it seems like every destination (gas stations, hotels, etc) I hit in West Virginia, a fight broke out or sleezy men were easy to find. I don't think it helps that I saw a special on how half the population of West Virginia is doped up on Oxycontin. Needless to say, I think I could move to any state but West Virginia and I apologize for being negative about WV if you're from there.

I did finish painting my half bathroom before I went on my vacation and I absolutely love the color. Of course, it's the only room I painted at this time...

Now, I must settle back into my routine at work (not too excited about that) and earn some more money.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Light the Night Walk...

Tonight, a group from my floor and I signed up to walk for "Light the Night" in Forest Park. We signed up to walk with the family of a former patient of ours who passed away almost a year ago and left a daughter behind. Her daughter is now almost two years old and looks like her mother!

Here's Bentley with Megan's favorite nurse:

Bentley's sign on the back of her shirt:

Amber and Jenny at the start of the walk:

6900 staff Marching for Megan:

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Floating with Amber and Jason...

This past weekend, a large group of us went floating with Amber and Jason (who are soon to be married next month) in Bourbon, MO. We all had so much fun! It wasn't warm, but it wasn't chilly (until nighttime). We definitely want to do it again, but when it's warmer.

I'm looking forward to working just 3 days this week! Siteman doesn't need me so I actually get 4 days off to get stuff done around my house! I am definitely going to try finishing painting my half bath and my basement closet.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Family pictures

So this afternoon, we decided to get a family picture done in the summertime, something we never done before. Somehow, we've had our family pictures taken in the winter or fall time. Of course, we had to get the dog in some of them!

While Abby did an amazing job taking the pictures, the priceless picture came on my camera courtesy of Andrew, Laura's boyfriend from Michigan. Kudos to Andrew for capturing my family in a family moment that mirrors us perfectly. It is my absolute favorite!

Thursday, August 7, 2008


Due to unfortunate circumstances, I had to put down both of my cats today. It was one of the most incredibly heartbreaking decisions I had to make. My house is eerily quiet and I find that I can eat without a cat sitting on my lap in front of my plate. I no longer need to chase the cats off the counter with a water gun and I have nothing to keep my feet warm at night. Yet, I miss those little things about them. I will definitely miss these two...

Monday, July 28, 2008

Do we have a right to complain?

After taking care of a wonderful patient that I couldn't help but get close to for the past month, it looks like I will finally be able to send her home tomorrow. What makes this patient so great, above others? She's only 21 years old and in her lifetime, battled two different types of cancers. As if battling two different types of cancers alone isn't inspiring enough, it's even more inspiring how she greets me with a smile each time I walk into her room and one of the most polite woman I have met.

So where does this post take me? Last week, I got an e-mail from my grandparents and once again, it highlighted on their medical woes. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly and appreciate everything they do for me, but I have a hard time feeling bad for them when I have patients that have it worse than they do. There are parents who don't get to live to see their children go off to grade school or graduate high school. There are people who never got to enjoy the privlege of being a grandparent. There are people who haven't gotten to travel the world in their lifetime. And I certainly have a hard time feeling bad for them, knowing this patient I'm taking care of now is only 21 years old and has faced more in a lifetime than they have with medical problems. Yes, I do care if they have chronic back problems or gastric reflux. Yet, the problems are so minor compared to what my patients go through day in and day out. It is definitely nothing to complain about. Cortisone shots are nothing compared to bone marrow biopsies. An overnight stay in the hospital is certainly nothing compared to spending a month in a hospital for chemo and/or transplant. If they were to die tomorrow, I would think they lived a good life still, regardless of these medical problems. At what point, do we accept that life ends eventually, regardless if death is our fear?

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Ethical dilemna or not?

Is it wrong to give a 93 year old man with an agressive type of leukemia chemo when he has congestive heart failure and a painful diabetic ulcer and lesions for the past four years that haven't healed?

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Happy 4th of July

I made it home from Switzerland in the nick of time to celebrate the birth of our country in our country. While being a new resident of Ellisville this year has me all excited about what this town has to offer, I had to miss the fair in the park to attend Tim McGraw, but he wasn't bad at all. Plus, I got to spend it with 3 pretty good co-workers of mine.

Tonight, I went to my uncle's house in Illinois and spent time with my family at his barbecue and firework display. His fireworks are unique to say the least. Here's my aunt and her son covering their eyes when the fireworks were making them nervous. Tucker is definitely my aunt's son! Whenever the fireworks were going off, he would yell, "FIRE!" It was cracking me up. I am glad I spent some time with the family tonight despite having a million of other things I could get done.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

I want to yodel...

I am back from Europe and had an amazing time! We backpacked through Switzerland, landed in a yodel festival, paraglided over the swiss alps, and ate gelato at Lake Geneva. We had belgian chocolates and waffles and beer. Nothing could have made this trip better!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

I have moved!

Less than two weeks after finding a new agent, I found a small condo that has everything I wanted with little things I needed to compromise on. It's so cute and while, it's farther from work, I love where it's located. I can literally walk to some stores and especially to my family's favorite bar! I am so excited!

We negotiated back and forth a few times, but eventually settled on a price that works for, not so sure for the previous owners. My realtor was absolutely amazing! My only regret is that I couldn't work with her longer! She listened to every need of mine and when problems arose that I couldn't get to, she worked on it for me. She was one step above me everytime I needed to get something done. I could NEVER have done this without her. She saved me thousands of hours of stress!

So now, it's to unpacking boxes...woohoo!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Off to househunt again...

I heard back from my agent today and found out I didn't get the condo. I'm okay with that though and know there's another one out there for me. So I'm to hunt for another condo that I can fall in love with again. But I might want to find another agent first. :-\

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Holding On

I have to share this recent experience at work.

On Monday, I came into work and got report on my patient's. I received a patient who was dying because they found he had some form of bacteria that no antibiotics or antifungals can kill. The worst kind if you ask me. He was already on 6 L of high flow Nasal Cannula, but he was still responding. I was also informed in report that his son is stationed in Alaska in the army and was flying home that day to see his dad, thanks to the Red Cross that was paying for it. He wasn't going to make it home until 9:30 PM that night. I had a situation a few months ago where a patient was dying and her only son was flying back from Seattle. Unfortunately, his flight from Dallas was delayed and he walked in a few minutes after she died. Seeing his face when he discovered she died only a few minutes before he arrived was almost haunting to me. I never want to go through that again.

That morning, the patient was able to swallow his pills for me. By the afternoon, he got frantic and started thrashing around, ripping his nasal cannula off, depriving himself of whatever oxygen we could give him. I had to sit by his bed and hold his arms down to prevent him from pulling onto his oxygen. Since he wasn't doing well with the mask (it would start him up with the thrashing again), we kept him on the nasal cannula and we went as high as we could, but by 3 P.M. his oxygen saturation started plummeting into the 70 percentile. I kept switching the nasal cannula and holding the mask over his face for a few minutes to help him get more oxygen in hopes that his son could make it in time to say bye to him.

He ended up making it through the rest of the afternoon until 7 P.M. at shift change. When I gave report to the R.N. I gave her a mission. She had to keep him alive until 10 P.M. just so his son could see him and say his goodbye before he passed away. I felt so bad putting that pressure on her, but I knew she could do it.

The next morning, I saw that he passed away. When I talked to the R.N. that had him, she said his son made it a few minutes before he passed away and he took his last breath at exactly 10 P.M.

All I can say to that is God works in mysterious ways...

Saturday, February 2, 2008


My contract expired last night at 5 P.M. When we finished writing the contract, my agent stated she would call me as soon as she heard anything. I have heard nothing. Then last night, while I am at work and receiving report from other nurses, I get a text from my parents saying that my agent called with the counteroffer. I figured she called the home phone and left a message with my parents.

I came home this morning and found out she called my parent's CELLPHONE and gave them all the information. I checked my phone to see if I got any messages from her. Zip, nada, nilch. I was completely frustrated. I called my agent and asked her to meet with me to go over the contract (since I'm a first time buyer and have no idea how this is going to work). She expected my stepmom to go over it with me. Hello? Who's getting the commission here, my agent or my stepmom?

I want this offer to work out so I don't have to work with her again, but I also hope it doesn't so she doesn't get commission for the crappy work she's giving me now.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

It's off...

So I met up with my agent to put the final touches on the contract today and she just faxed it off to the other agent...let the stress begin!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Putting in my first contract...

I looked at some more condos with my agent today and returned to anoher that I absolutely loved. My stepmom met up with me there and looked at it as well and fell in love with it too. It is a 2 story townhome with 2 large bedrooms and 2.5 baths. It has a main floor laundry and a fenced in backyard- perfect for my parent's dog when she comes over (which will pretty much be on my off days during the week). It is foreclosed and it looks like a lot of projects have been start and they stopped midway but they are all cosmetic so I could finish them over time. So my agent and I went back to her office and started writing up a contract for the condo. I'm waiting to turn it in until my dad sees it but I am so excited and nervous about it at the same time. Now instead of saving money, I'll be spending it on a house payment- yikes...

Monday, January 7, 2008


Despite the Friday I had at work (I worked from 7 AM until 1:40 AM Sat), I worked overtime on today (more money for down payment is what I figured). It was fine until one of our patients was placed on DNR/DNI status (aka no code). We were all okay until we saw this patient's 9 year old daughter crying in our lobby. A 30 something year old woman will be losing her life after a long battle with leukemia, but her daughter would be losing a mother. Not just any mother, but a woman who found happiness throughout her struggles in this little girl and fought to live so she could watch her grow up. My heart broke for this little girl and her family. I can only hope that God can give them all the strength to carry on throughout life and with the memories they have of this woman. On my way home, I had Natalie Grant's CD playing and this song popped up. It only seemed fitting for what this family is going through. I couldn't help but play it over a few times. Please pray for this family and for God to hold them through this hardship they will be struggling to get through.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Christmas has come and gone. It was a little depressing for me, but once I got my 5 day break, I found myself recovering fast thanks to my family and friends! A patient of mine that I had to send to the ICU because she was septic, ended up dying 3 days before Christmas. All I could think about was her family and fiance. I know it's hard to lose someone you love, but I can only imagine it has to be harder to lose someone you love at Christmastime. Sometimes I wish I didn't let myself get attached to my patients, but I still do. I love getting to know them and it makes it all the more better to work with them.

I got so many things for Christmas, most for my future condo which makes me even more excited. I still am at that fork in the road about the condos, but I am thinking of looking in another area of St. Louis which is more affordable for me and to be honest, the prices don't have me panicking. But fortunately, for me, my aunt is thinking about moving there when she moves back so I may put my condo search on pause until she moves back.

Back to Christmas, I had a wonderful Christmas with my family. My aunt, uncle, and cousins came in from North Carolina. Just being able to spend time with people as wonderful as them is a gift itself. That would have made my Christmas right there. This past weekend, we had even more family in town from Kansas City. We all had fun just shopping, going out to eat, and playing Wii (which is now my new obsession, pathetic, isn't it?). We even had Sunday dinner at Mema's with everyone which we haven't done in forever (though my family still goes there for dinners on Sunday nights).

I can't wait to see what 2008 brings us! I'm hoping to get back to the gym to work out more, stick to healthy diet, and find that condo of mine! Have a wonderful 2008!!!